Article by Dr. Gregory Tucker

The Truth about RelationshipsPart 2 of 2

From The Recovery Process www.therecoveryprocess.com

The best defense of the lie someone exists to have a self is to assemble a negative self: one that has obvious flaws and shortcomings; one that is defective, damaged and unlovable. Dreamers will invent a self to offset the truth there is no one to be anything at all, not even a person. This isn’t alarming after ‘you’ stop pretending there is anyone to be upset about anything. Only the dreamer is upset, and only in the dream, about the fact nothing it creates in the dream will work to cancel the rule whose inescapable message is: “the option to be a person does not exist,” and the dreamer’s reply usually assumes the form of a challenge: “we shall see about that,” which launches the dreamer’s personhood career in the dream.

Once the dreamer locks into its ‘personal’ definition of a self, it must reiterate and recreate the story that gave rise to the story in the first place. You can’t for example, work at having a ‘worthless self’ and create too many opportunities for success. If your designation is that you are ‘unlovable,’ time becomes the venue in which you make sure no one finds you loveable.

Most dreamers are stuck in ‘the past’ because the self they invented was assembled early in the dream. The self becomes a reiterated, fixed slice of time, which is replayed over and over again, possibly for the duration of the dreamer’s appearance in the dream.Each morning the dreamer boots up into its agenda, the one it uses to defend the lie the self proves we are the people we insist we are. The dream, or ‘right now,’ is the context for everything the dreamers do to pretend they don’t know there are no people, this being just a dream, and that “the Personhood Game” isn’t winnable.

Once a dreamer assembles the self it will use in the dream to play the part of some kind of a person, and probably a less than okay person, it will find other dreamers whose personhood parodies work to defend the invented self as if it is a fact. The hidden agreement is to create reciprocal confirmation of the self. In this light, dreamers’ team up, like in a marriage for example, to recreate those aspects of the dream that made it possible to assemble the lie someone exists to have a self. If my self is defined by ‘abandonment,’ as in an ‘abandoned being,’ the probability goes up that I will find someone who likes to abandon people to maintain the fiction people not only exist, they are ‘bad.’

The lie the self is real depends on the re-creation of a ‘bad relationship’ which we can keep in place even though we pretend we intend to make things better. In this dream, the defense of the lie the self is real takes precedence over everything, including love, happiness, spontaneity, and even health. If the assembled self revolves around a ‘sickly self,’ sickliness becomes that dreamer’s trademark in the dream.

Dreamers create ‘relationships’ in the dream to provide the platform for the invented self or selves to deliver specific personhood performances, and once the intricacies of the dance are mastered, the whole system has its own rhythm, and, for all intensive purposes, it is, literally, self-sustaining.

Since there is no one to have a relationship, the dream, or ‘right now’ reveals the sum of all ‘the relationships’ the dreamers create to postpone coming to terms with the fact the dream is the context for the whole drama. ‘The relationship’ occurs in the dream and its function is to give truth a hard time.

If two married dreamers work as a team to defend the lie the self is ‘bad,’ they will create a ‘bad relationship,’ and they will resist intervention of any kind because the lie the self is real takes precedence over everything, including “positive change.”

Is it any wonder that a counselor’s sense of self is put to the test as long as it thinks people are the object of inquiry? The counselor tries to talk two dreamers into a “better relationship” without knowing, at least consciously, that what’s at stake is what the dreamers count on to wage war successfully against the rule: “The option to be a person does not exist.” The counselor doesn’t know the war isn’t between people; it’s between two dreamers whose defense of the lie the self is real matters more than anything else in the dream. Some dreamers are willing to forfeit life to prove someone has one. The counselor’s imaginary self is at risk: it is trying to “save relationships” as if people exist to be saved.

It should come as no surprise that dreamers, posing as people in this dream, use ‘relationships’ as the vehicle to pretend they don’t know the game isn’t winnable because there is no one to win or lose the game. Dreamers, posing as people, count on the lie ‘relationships’ will work to prolong the fiction people exist to have relationships. What could be more comical, which is close to ‘sad,’ that no relationship of any kind will ever work to confirm the existence of people. Not only does the emperor have no clothes on, there is no emperor.

The invented self acquires apparent form around a host of made up polarities, like “good/bad,” and “right/wrong,” and “inferior/superior,” to name a few, none of which has any significance in the absence of anyone to be anything, including any of the above.The dreamer invents a self and like a pointillist it draws from all of these fictitious polarities until the self it assembles assumes form in the dream. The software that organizes the fictitious self takes over and runs it day in and day out, for the duration of the dreamer’s appearance in the dream, or until it recovers the truth the dream is the context for ‘everything,’ including the personhood performance it delivers in the dream.In potential, every dreamer in this dream is eligible to wake up in this dream because its status as a dreamer is fixed, permanent and non-negotiable. No dreamer can be a person no matter how much drama it brings to the game.

Sit-coms, television shows, movies and plays all zoom in on the fact that the dream features a collection of classic personhood parodies, and each one attempts to expose the fact that everyone in this dream is an actor. Once a dreamer identifies what kind of an act it is stuck in, it can begin to deliver a parody about its own act, but not until the realization comes into view that the self is what the actor depends on to deliver its act. The actor uses skill, on or off the stage, since both exist only in the dream, to bring credibility to the lie the self is real. When this is done well, the audience buys the act because the act prolongs the fiction reality is about real people.

Make no mistake about, the dreamers in this dream take pride in what they do to defend the lie the self is real. If you pay close attention, you will see that the dreamers compete constantly to see whose rendition of personhood is high on the believability scale.How can an alcoholic give up the abuse of alcohol and still play the part of a ‘lost soul?’ If obesity is a form of ‘tragedy,’ the giving up of food isn’t the issue; what’s at stake is owning the truth nothing will work to prove the self is real.

In every case, change occurs in the dream only when the dreamer admits it knows what it does to prolong the lie the self is real won’t work to cancel truth. The war against truth is either ‘on,’ as in taking place in the dream, or ‘off,’ as in over. Because we can only be dreamers in this dream, you don’t need to be a psychic to identify what kind of a self the dreamer uses to wage war with truth, as if someone exists to win. The dream is ‘on,’ and it is always transparent because it includes ‘the dreamers’ and the personhood act they deliver to stall their date with the fact, nothing ‘going on’ has ever had anything to do with people.Once a dreamer wakes up in this dream, the obligation to defend the fictitious agenda it uses to do personhood believably comes to an end, sometimes abruptly. In the absence of people, for example, how much sense does it make to sustain a grudge? The grudge is something the dreamer reiterates as a story to keep another dreamer in place as a real “bad person.” The story won’t work to turn a dreamer into any kind of a person if there is no such thing. The grudge goes with the lie the self is real. It can’t make a self real, but it can prolong the fiction ‘the self’ is real. Once a dreamer recovers the truth, the war against truth is viewed accurately as comical and hopelessly redundant.

One of the earliest signs of waking up in the dream occurs when the dreamer stops pretending people exist to be the object of the war. This keeps the lie alive the self is real, but it is a waste of time because no stance a dreamer takes against people will confirm their existence. Imaginary selves judging other imaginary selves in a dream has to be the focal point for all comedy. If the seeing of that doesn’t elicit a huge laugh, I don’t know what will.

The awakened dreamer, liberated from its fictitious, people-based stories, drops back into the truth that relationship is what we are and can only be. Liberated from the lie duality exists, what remains is respect, care and concern for all the dreamers because they show such devotion to the lie the self they invented will work to prove ‘this’ is not a dream, and that all the dreamers are ‘the people’ they work so hard to impersonate.

To be awake in this dream is simply to be who you always were and could only be, minus everything you relied on to play some kind of a person, probably a less than okay one.The dream is okay the way it is because it is only a dream, after all, but waking up in this dream has some very nice perks and rewards. It’s a lot easier to be what you are instead of what you aren’t and can never be. There is nothing wrong with the truth “reality” is a dream in progress that belongs to “The Infinite Mind,” and that it stars ‘the dreamers’ using time to defend the fiction they are ‘real people.’

There are no people to be in any kind of a relationship. The dreamers create ‘relationships’ in this dream to provide the invented self with a platform to play the part of ‘real people’ in this dream. The lie the self is real persists effectively in the struggle that goes with the creation of “troubled ‘relationships.” Trouble disappears in this dream exactly as fast as the dreamers recover the truth the dream is the context for the whole show, and that none of it has ever had a single thing to do with people.

The Recovery Process – provides reminders to expand consciousness. This process assists you to shift from who you aren’t, often someone who suffers, to who you are; a spiritual being —free at last to enjoy the agenda- free life.

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Tags: Relationships, Psychology, Modern Family, Dream, Social Sciences